“Don't go changing, to try and please me…I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.”
~Barry White
A while ago, I was reading one of the posts on this site, “Hair-A Man’s Perspective.” It brought up the much-debated question about whether men are attracted to women with natural hair. After reading that post, I reflected on my earlier thoughts about guys and natural hair.
I remember the anxiety that I had when I was transitioning. I grew up associating long, straight hair with beauty. In movies and on television, the women with the willowy, flowing hair were the ones who always got the man, not the girl with the naps. As the date for my planned big chop grew near, my apprehension increased. With one snip of the scissors, would I be killing my dating life in one fell swoop?
Throwing caution to the wind, I cut my long hair anyway, and gasp!…my social life was not destroyed. In fact, my little kinky afro became the center of attention. The men I encountered showered me with compliments and lauded me for my uniqueness. Five years later, I’m still proudly wearing my natural hair. I now have a wonderful husband who said that one of the first things he noticed about me was my hair.
I know other women who have faced the same anxiousness that I did when deciding to go natural. To satisfy my curiosity and ease their concerns, I decided to do an (unscientific) survey of men to get their thoughts on Black women and natural hair. Here is what they told me:
“There's something about the attitude of a natural-haired woman that is magnetic.”
“I appreciate someone who is courageous enough to show the world who they really are—including wearing the hair they were born with.”
“Women with natural hair are truly comfortable in their own skin.”
“Natural hair on a woman maintains the beauty and integrity of our heritage.”
“I love natural hair on a woman because it is an indelible part of her.”
Men are not attracted to women with natural hair? That is a myth! As all of us wavy, curly, kinky, nappy ladies know, real men honor and appreciate every part of us. They love us just the way we are.
I'm so glad she addressed this issue. It's definitely one of the myths about natural hair that we need to destroy. What do you guys think?
4 comments:
I am a bit cynical about this one. In terms of first impressions and attraction, men are definitely attracted to the girls with the "willowy, flowing hair" whether or not it's theirs. It's easy for them to say they like a woman comfortable in her own skin and all that but in their actions- their preferences- something else is evident. In one breath they adore the natural look, and in another, they idolise women like Tyra, Beyonce, Angel (or whatever that video ho's name is) as their ideal images of beauty and/or sex appeal. FAKE = GOOD. It's sad but true.
With that being said, I agree with her conclusion about "real men". A "real man" will not base his dating decisions on the texture of one's hair. Those who do have some growing up to do. There has to come a point where we don't have to justify our appearance based on what men like. Hell, I'm transitioning, knowing fully well that people think I'm crazy. After a point, your opinion of yourself is the only one that counts.
I agree with F about men saying one thing, but going after another, i.e. the long straight look. I think the reaction to natural hair depends on where you live, and the length and texture of your hair.
The thing is, I have never styled my hair based on men's or anyone else's preferences. I am just myself, and allow whoever is attracted to me to step forward.
However, this has NOT always been easy. It's not for the faint of heart, because you are going against the grain. There may be people who diss you for wearing your hair natural. To say otherwise would be a lie. So I don't blame women for having this concern. For me, the desire to wear my hair in a way that pleased me outweighed my desire to have a socially acceptable hairstyle.
I'm just happy I stuck to what was best for me because some of the same people who dissed natural hair in the past now embrace it.
In a nutsehll, You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself!"
This is a really interesting topic. I have to say, I've been pleasantly surprised by the reactions that I have gotten to my natural hair. Sure, I may be missing out on the guys that idolize Tyra, Beyonce etc. (Is that really a loss?) but I've found that the men that appreciate natural hair, REALLY love it. Plus they tend to be the ones who are open minded, into challenging convention etc. Overall, I'd say the caliber of men that approach me has improved.
In reaction to F's comment:
It's not always about the hair, it's about the confidence. A confident woman with a shaved head will be way more attractive to a man than a self-conscious girl hiding behind a weave.
Yes, men have a precise image of what they like in a woman in their heads, but don't we all do the same? There's a difference between the guys I find attractive in magazines and the ones I meet and like in real life.
And moreover, who would want to date a guy who selects girls based on whether or not they fulfill his fantasies?
Confidence and a right mindset is the key. And I find it easier to like myself now that I've embraced my natural hair.
I really liked the article, by the way. No one should be afraid of showing their true self.
Post a Comment