This post was sent in by Jameka.
As a Natural newbie (4 months and counting!), I often still struggle with my concept of beauty. Sad, but true. We all know that going Natural calls for a holistic change, rather than merely cutting off the hair. To be Natural means to really accept who you are regardless of what society says. Nonetheless, our society is still one that favors long-haired, straight women. I often find myself feeling GREAT among female peers who admire my hair and wish they could do what I do, but when it comes to being around men, I often crawl into my shell and feel awkward, especially if I'm around straight-haired women. I attend a predominantly White institution and am only 1 of 3 Natural women that I consistently see on campus. College guys ESPECIALLY are mean and close-minded, I think lol
Recently, I've been involved in dialogue with others about the concept of beauty, especially from the male perspective and have been encouraged. It's so easy to think one way about something and convince yourself it's true, even when there's nothing to support it. I've dated men in the past who weren't fans of my fro (Freedom, as I like to call her), and always wanted me to press my hair if I was around them, or wear a weave. SO I've just always figured that guys want their women straight, but I'm finding out that that's not always the case.
I wanted to share some of the comments that have been shared with me because I don't think that I'm the only person who feels insecure sometimes about their hair. The question that I asked was, "Would you date a woman with Natural hair?"
"I love women with Natural hair! As long as they know how to take care of it.""I hate weave, I'm not a fan of it. I hate colored contacts, mascara; makeup. I love my women to be Natural! Ain't nothing better than a head full of hair that's yours. Once you take all of that off and you put the weave back in its cage, you're still the same person you were before."
"Yes I would date a woman with natural hair. because she is herself she's not going along with what "society" says is beauty. As long as she feels beautiful about herself, then thats all that matters to me. "
"I love Natural women... All that fakeness doesn't make the person. People do all of that because they are insecure about their beauty. Society just makes people believe that they need to wear that fake stuff because sex sells more than natural beauty. You're born natural, so there's no need for all of the extra stuff."
"I'd date someone with Natural hair... hair is hair."
"Yes I would. I think that guys appreciate girls who dont mind being themselves, Natural hair is more than just natural hair it is an image that comes with an attitude, some may even say a lifestyle. But saying that I dont look down on girls who arent natural but being natural is something that is very attractive, especially when a girl takes pride in it."
"I would date a woman with Natural hair and I have in the past. Personally, whether a girl has the natural look or weave as long as it looks nice, I'm not ashamed to be out in public with her i'm good, whatever makes her happy/floats her boat."
Well here's inspiration for our sisters that are teetering on the edge, held back only by their fear of being deemed unattractive. What do you guys think?
8 comments:
i love it! sounds like an Essence poll, lol
:)
Much respect to the guys for their answers. I like that!
"As long as she feels beautiful about herself, then that's all that matters to me. "
AWWW that part of the comment really got me!!! Wow! so sweet. Ladies we really need 2 feel beautiful and not wait for a man to validate that for us! Cause a guy can tell you you're beautiful a million times but if you don't feel beautiful, it suxs!
I go to a diverse school and most of the African American women here are Natural. It hasn't slowed down my personal life at all. I slowed that down when I realized that I have to take care of myself and that means getting rid of dead weight.
LOL at these answers.
Yeah, I've asked many a black men what they thought of natural hair and Black women in general. They say what they think they should say,or act like "I date everyone" but steadily date "everyone" except us black girls-especially the natural girls, like myself.
I hope I don't sound bitter, I'm not. I got a man:-D I just know lots of Black men who need to wake the hell up and learn to love a beautiful black sista.
And I'm through!
:-D
Bravo on the guest post! This seems to be a topic that comes up again and again. Personally, I don't think that women should be making life decisions based on a potential mate but I'm happy to report that the men that have approached me since going natural tend to be more mature, open minded and forward thinking. And that's a good thing! Don't worry about the guys that aren't interested in you because of your natural hair and focus on the ones who are.
I like what they're saying, but unfortunately I feel a little Bradley Effect sometimes when reading or hearing this.
Like, I think the guys say "Yeah, down with fakeness! Natural's where it's at!" because they know they're supposed to like it, or that we'd few them as unacceptable and therefore un-dateable if they didn't.
However, being natural, and having a short fro at that (along with many other girls at my school, and I consider them fairly attractive) the guys here show their true selves quite often.
Perhaps they should be more truthful and say "Yeah, I like natural hair, if it's long." Or "I like natural hair, but not the nappy kind."
Just sayin'.
However, Danica made a good point. Most of the guys who don't take a second glance at me or any natural girl aren't guys I would bother dating anyway.
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